you'll always be my immortal
by ravendarkraven
Summary: this is 13 because of comments about suicide and yaoi. Ryou has commited suicide because bakura has let him down again, now Bakura regrets making those special moments together last. This is my first songfic and the song is My Immortal by Evanescence!


Claire: This has to be one of the most saddening and depressing songfics I have ever written.  
  
Wolf: Yeah, for you maybe, you little weakling.  
  
Claire: This is the crap that comes from listening to Evanescence at midnight when on a sugar high.  
  
Wolf: We own nothing to do with Yu-Gi-Oh, except a picture of Joey oh, and My Immortal belongs to Evanescence and always will do.  
  
Claire: This Songfic takes place when Ryou and Bakura are in separate bodies and Ryou has committed suicide because Bakura let him down again. This is why the rating is 13. Oh and there is Yaoi too, so if you don't like, then don't read. It's in Bakura's POV and made me cry when I was writing it.  
  
Wolf: O.O Stupid hikari. Now, mortals. On with the Songfic!!

[I'm tired of being here]  
  
I stand outside in the snow, in front of the house we once shared. When I walk through that door, memories flood through my mind. I don't want to be here any more, not without you. I used to love being here with you, but the love of this place died when you did.  
  
[Suppressed by all my childish fears]  
  
I admit I used to be afraid of you. Afraid of hurting you, of breaking your fragile body. When I was young, I was brought up in darkness, making me naturally afraid of the light. Now all those fears are coming back to haunt me, as my only light has gone.  
  
[And if you have to leave]  
  
Everybody dies when their times up, but your clock hadn't even begun its countdown. You lay in my arms with that pool of blood surrounding you, with me praying to Ra that you would be alright. You suffered tremendously that night, but you never had reason to put yourself through all that pain, so why did you?  
  
[I wish that you would just leave]  
  
I held you in my arms for hours, blood staining the floor, my shirt, everything in its path until your spirit left mine. This is taking longer; for you to leave me as you had originally intended to do. I can't handle the thought anymore; the thought that I should be able to hold on to you forever, but knowing in my heart I've got to let go of you sometime.  
  
['Cause your presence still lingers here]  
  
I see you wherever I go. You're sitting with me in class, making paper planes to throw at Joey, grinning at me as you hurl the now invisible planes. You're laying next to me when I wake up in the morning as you always were, telling me you loved me. You were always there before, everywhere I was, you would appear beside me. If you were everywhere then and there when I needed you the most, why aren't you with me now?  
  
[And it won't leave me alone]  
  
These images of you always appear in front of me, especially when I don't want them to. When I'm with the Pharaoh or Kaiba, they're always asking me if I'm all right, but I just shrug and walk away. If you're really gone, then why must these images of you, images that I can't even touch, haunt and torture me?  
  
[These wounds won't seem to heal]  
  
Whether you suffered as you took that blade to your wrist or not, no one will ever know, but I'm suffering along with you, now. When I found you, your blood was ruby red, just as mine is now, pouring from the deep gash across my heart. It's been bleeding, making me suffer for weeks now. I know you're bleeding some where too, although not from the heart.  
  
[This pain is just too real]  
  
Even when I was alive five thousand years ago, I never experienced anything like this. Never before had I had pain, physical or emotional, as intense as this. This torture is with me everywhere I go. Even when I'm out with the Pharaoh's friends or alone, it's stabbing at my heart to open the old scars. I now cry myself to sleep, my heart hurts so much. And as the great Pharaoh's enemy, that's hard for even me to admit.  
  
[There's just too much that time cannot erase]  
  
People say I just need time to get over this, but how can time and space make everything better? The clocks on the wall tick by, echoing around the rooms. The days pass, opening more scars as they go. But it doesn't matter how much time goes past, my heart will never be able to heal... it'll just deteriorate over time.  
  
[When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears]  
  
You never used to cry in front of me, you never wanted to show me weakness. But that night when you came home bloodied and bruised, when I held you in my arms until midnight, you cried uncontrollably into my shirt, soaking it completely. I didn't care about the shirt, only about your safety and you were with me; that was all that mattered. Apparently, though... those tears just weren't enough to vent your anger.  
  
[When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears]  
  
You began screaming that it was all my fault. You said I wasn't there to protect you, as you needed me there. Then those chocolate eyes of yours burnt with a fire I'd never seen in you before, and you attempted to hit me. I caught your fist before it made contact and shouted at you to shut up. That's when you broke down in front of me and cried, choking out your apology, as I held you tightly. I told you over and over that it was alright, that you were safe; clearly, telling you I loved you more than you would ever know.  
  
[I held your hand through all of those years]  
  
I remember the time we had to walk all the way across Domino to meet Yami and the others. We were still incredibly shy around each other, but you were always the one to show it. You tripped over the pavement and grazed your hand, giving me perfect opportunity to touch your hand, as I had wished to touch you for so long. I held your hand all the way through town so if you were to trip, I would have stopped you. The gesture promised you I would always be there for you... till death do us part.  
  
[But you still have all of me]  
  
You never knew this, but you became the owner of my heart, just as you were the owner of the Millennium Ring. It soared out of my body and into your hands before I even knew how to love. You held my heart, my hopes and dreams for the future. I had never given anyone the task of looking after my heart, but you carried it out perfectly.  
  
[You used to captivate me]  
  
We would spend all lunch break staring into each others eyes, myself becoming lost in those beautiful milk chocolate eyes of yours. Your soft voice and delicate features, like an angel sent from the Gods. When you glanced my way, my senses handed in their notice and stopped working. All I could do was smile, sigh and ask the Gods what I had done in the past to deserve someone as beautiful as you.  
  
[By your resonating light]  
  
I remember how you used to act at school, when I first went with you. You especially shy towards everyone around you. You asked for me to protect you, to look out for you. But I said I already was, that you didn't need to ask. The more I was with you, the more your light shone and your true self was revealed. As you opened yourself up to me, I noticed you were not afraid of me any more; you seemed to care.  
  
[But now I'm bound by the life you left behind]  
  
If you weren't able to take anymore, then why couldn't you have just talked to me? That day, you left me behind for the first time in months. Many times i've gone to that same kitchen draw and pulled out that same knife. The one that's still stained with your blood, as I refuse to wash away your last essence. My mind is telling me I can't live without you, but my heart tells me you would want me to stay alive. I don't care if we're alive or dead, I just want to hold you in my arms again.  
  
[Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams]  
  
I always see you in my dreams. You're always there, laughing with the Pharoah's light or doing something stupid to get my attention. It always begins with some happy memory of you, as I have so many. But then, every night it always ends exactly the same. The gleam of a blade, my cry to you as I ran down the stairs, how I ran to the kitchen door... only to find your life slowly drain from you. That's when I wake up, with sweat and tears on my face and your name on my lips.  
  
[Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me]  
  
Whatever you'd say to me, I would do with no questions asked. I could never say no, or ignore you the way you once thought I did. Your voice was angelic, a voice that lulled me into my own dreamworld, where you and I were happy. Even now, if I think of you and concentrate on hearing your voice, it still effect me in the same way.  
  
[These wounds won't seem to heal]  
  
I'm still bleeding from the heart, and I don't think it will ever stop. There's just too many memories and scars that keep being stabbed open, and it hurts too much for me to bear. I've tried to make it end, to make it stop... but it won't. The blood flow increases day by day and all I can do is add my tears to it.  
  
[This pain is just too real]  
  
I hate myself now. I hate myself from the guilt of closing off our mind link and the pain of not having you here. Why did I have to be so stupid and shut off our link, you could have contacted me, you could have let me know... but you couldn't and it was because of me. This is my pain, knowing you promised you would always be there for me, knowing it's my fault you're not carrying out that promise.  
  
[There's just too much that time cannot erase]  
  
So much time has passed since that day, or so it seems. Still, it has done nothing to hepl erase those memories and dreams of tears and blood. It'll never be erased because, I guess I don't want it to be gone. They'll stay and haunt me for all eternity, because although I have a body of my own, I am still very much a spirit... and I cannot die. Ever.  
  
[When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears]  
  
I wiped away your tears that night you got beaten up, although I was still shocked that you were actually crying in front of me. I remember telling you there was no weakness in crying, while I was stroking your hair. You stopped sobbing and looked up at me with those big puppy-like eyes.  
  
[When you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears]  
  
We had shouted at each other for five minutes, which was the shortest arguement we'd ever had. After you tried to attack me, I told you why I had shut off our link. It was meant to be a surprise, but i'd made you your favourite dinner and even put on one of those romantic DVD's that you liked so much. You were surprised at that, saying it wasn't my fault that I cut off the link between us... how wrong could you have been?  
  
[I held your hand through all of these years]  
  
I held your hand that night too, telling you I was sorry and how much I loved you. I took your hand, and led you upstairs to bath. I washed the dirt from your face and tried to mend your broken wings, but to no avail. You smiled at me and touched my hand as I put you to bed. You told me you loved me too, that you needed me. Then you intertwined our fingers and fell asleep, with me still sitting next to you.  
  
[you still have all of me]  
  
If you hold my heart, then how come i'm still alive? Everyone needs their heart to live and you're holding mine captive. I don't want it back, because then it would hurt even more. It's become the origin of this pain, this massive hoel in my chest. Where you took out all my darkness and replaced it with your light, but now you've taken my heart and you can't replace that.  
  
[I tried so hard to so hard to tel myself that you're gone]  
  
I've tried to get over you, to accept it like everyone tells me to. They tell me denial comes first, then eventually acceptance, but if that's the case then i've been in denial for almost half a year now. I know in my mind and heart that you're gone, it's just... I don't want it to be real, I don't want to believe it. Some place in my heart is crying out to Ra, asking the great sun god why, why he had to take my precious angel away from me.  
  
[But though you're still with me]  
  
Those stupid visions of you are still there; always with me, as though I cannot get rid of you. It's like you're still there, as though I could just reach out and touch your hand once more. But as my hand gets just inches away from your smiling face, you dissapear from my life again.  
  
[I've been alone all along]  
  
Everytime I see you in my dreams, or when i'm moping around the house, I always knew you were never truly there, because I couldn't touch you. So now i'm alone, except for the odd person cominmg round to check I havn't done the same as you, but it's not the same.Forever alone, to wander freely for once... but only by moonlight.  
  
[When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears]  
  
I wiped away your tears, telling you there was nothing to fear anymore.  
  
[When you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears]  
  
You screamed at me that night, while I sat in shock at what i'd just put you through.  
  
[I held your hand through all of these years]  
  
I held your hand, for many months after that night, still telling you I loved you.  
  
[You still have all of me]  
  
You still have my heart with you in that place you are. I think you called it Heaven once when you were talking to me. You said there were angels and everything was beautiful, well you would fit in there as you never fitted in around here. I know you're already gone, but so is my heart... my angel.Claire: well, what did you think? Was it alright? Tell me it was alright... please.  
  
Wolf: it was beautiful, Hikari.  
  
Claire: huh? You crying, Wolf?  
  
Wolf: No! I've just got something in my eye, that's all.  
  
Claire: She's crying?!?  
  
Wolf: I just told you I wasn't.  
  
Claire: Liar.  
  
Wolf: I can have my sensitive moments too, you know.  
  
Claire: Alright, alright.  
  
Wolf: Don't tell anyone, or I swear, Hikari, I'll send you to the Shadow Realm.  
  
Claire: You have my word, Yami. So folks, please tell me what you thought as it's my very first completed songfic. Love you all, and wish you well on your own fictions. 


End file.
